HAS A KNOB. USE IT!
by Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach
has a knob.
Turn it on, turn it off. Turn it up, turn it down. Adjust the dial. Get rid of the static.
means you're free to celebrate or not, in exactly the way you wish.
It means you can be unique! At the holidays, be more of who you are. Everyone else is taken!
It means if you're an extrovert, have 'em all over and go to every party. It means if you're an introvert, don't!
Nancy Fenn, the Introvert Coach ( http://www.bemyguide.net/introvert_coach.html talks about the kind of holidays introverts enjoy the most.
of her favorite Christmases, she says, she spent almost the entire "season"
designing a gigantic webpage for a German professor, painting Russian-like
icon paintings and emailing her daughter daily who was in Morocco on
a language study program. "Heaven!" she says.
One year I found a friend of mine crying in the church bathroom because it would be the first year her ex would have the kids and she'd be alone. "Oh, come with me," I said. "I'll show you how to do this." As others had shown me!
I think my last year of not exercising my Personal Power was when a friend invited me to join her and her family for Christmas Eve and then added, "It's Fred's mother's year. She's so impossible. I need you there."
I decided I didn't need me there.
The Introvert Coach calls this 'throwing a steer in with the bulls.' I decline to be the steer thrown in with the bulls.
One Christmas Eve I turned off the Christmas tree lights, turned off the Christmas music, put a fire in the fireplace and curled up with a great book.
Two Thanksgivings my boys were with their dad, and I was in graduate school, with finals coming up, and I just studied, grateful to have the quiet time. One of those times I did go out to get some turkey at Lubys (cafeteria). I sat next to an extended family that argued and fought the whole time, and before I got up and moved (I have choices) I gave thanks that I was UNcelebrating Thanksgiving in a peculiar, however pleasant way. People who are married seem to think it's awful for a single person to "be alone" at Christmas, and they extend invitations often with the comment, "Do you have somewhere to go? I just don't want you to be alone." I am not making this up.
all due respect, I prefer to be invited somewhere because my companionship
is valued, not because I'm pitied, or needed to keep the family members
off one another's throats, or because I'm such a good conversationalist,
or because "we usually invite a service-man, but none are available
this year." Again,
If only these people knew the fun I've had celebrating the holidays my way!
Nearly every year at some point, I've canceled Christmas for a day or two. I didn't listen to Christmas music on the car radio or at home, I didn't turn on the tree lights, I didn't go in the living room, and I didn't think about what needed doing. I just turned it off.
years I worked for a church, and the pressure was triple - my own Christmas,
the decompensation of the members who were vulnerable (recent deaths,
mental instability, old age) and came in to talk, and the increased
workload meant at times I had to stop and take
Having emotionally intelligent holidays means emotional self-awareness and using your judgment, your intentionality, and your personal power.
Treat yourself right -- decide what kind of holiday you intend to have. This means accepting responsiblity for your actions, your emotions, and your motives.
Ask yourself this - do you intend to enjoy the holidays or to stress yourself out? The choice is yours.
The holidays have a knob. Turn it on, turn it up, turn it down, turn it off. Adjust that dial!