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Single And Happy
by Rinatta Paries
Whether choosing to be single, or in between relationships, you can build a terrific life as a single person. In fact, if you are in between relationships and want to attract true love, having a terrific single life is just the thing to do.

Some singles put their focus on the fact that they are single and end up unhappy, dissatisfied and looking for meaning in their lives. Others almost give up having a satisfying relationship and bury themselves in work and busyness. Many singles believe either openly or secretly that they cannot be truly happy without a relationship.

Single or not, this is your life, your only life. This is not a dress rehearsal for your life or a waiting room for your next relationship, but your life, now. The surest way to have a happy life is not to get into a relationship, but to build a life full of meaning and satisfaction. As a bonus, when you do get happy in your life, you will very likely effortlessly attract a great partner.

Below are six major components for creating a happy single life with explanations of why each one matters, and suggestions of how to add each one to your life.

The six components to being single and happy

1. Community

What it means

Building a community means having people who are there for you, who care about you and your life. Community can meet many of your needs. The more your needs get met, the less needy and the more attractive you become. Also, the more needs get met, the less you need a partner. It's a good thing to want to choose a partner, not need one. What's more, the more your needs get met, the happier you get.

Why it matters

Many singles feel lonely and disconnected, and it affects the quality of their life. They act as if the only way to get emotional needs met is through a partner.

What you can do

Build community by joining clubs around subject matter that interests you or by volunteering. Rekindle or strengthen community by reaching out to people already in your life.

2. Life rich in pleasure

What it means

The pleasure of time, space, rich surroundings, luxurious body care, flowers, etc. are not just reserved for a lover to give as gifts. These are gifts you can give yourself. Think of your life's outlook after indulging in something nurturing and pleasurable, such as being in nature, exercise, a good meal, etc. Doesn't life look full of promise? Imagine a life rich in such moments of pleasure. Such a life would greatly improve your quality of life and happiness level.

Why it matters

Many singles forgo pleasure, time, and self-care for business or job. It is as if they don't matter; only their accomplishments do.

What you can do

Add three luxurious, pleasurable things to your day. These don't have to be huge. Perhaps a ten-minute stroll, a few minutes reading a book, a cat nap, a body-care product that smells or feels good, a sit-down meal. Figure out what these three things are by remembering the last few times you felt truly luxuriated.

3. Life lived now

What it means

Your life happens now, today, and is not a dress rehearsal for when you have a relationship. When you want to participate in life, but stop yourself because you are single, you stifle your spirit. You accumulate resentments for your singlehood at the universe and at the opposite sex, because not being in a relationship stops you from living your chosen life. On the other hand, living the life you want now enlivens and energizes you. It gives you a sense of wellbeing, and happiness. Living your life now makes you very attractive.

Why it matters

Many singles wait until they are in a relationship to live the kind of life they want and do the things they love to do.

What you can do

Figure out what things you have not done because you have been waiting for a partner. Which three sound the most fun, and give you the most charge when you think about them? Those are the three to do now.

4. Relationship Skill Building

What it means

There is a real set of skills few of us know exists, and even fewer actually have, that can guarantee you will attract good, compatible partners to build a great, healthy relationship. The fact that you have not had a successful life-long relationship so far does not mean there is something wrong with you or that you are meant to be alone. It is truly a matter of learning new skills.

Why it matters

Many singles worry that they will continue to have unhappy, unsuccessful relationships. Many believe there is nothing short of settling that can be done about being single. Many fear they are meant to be alone.

What you can do

Put yourself in relationship school. Read books about relationship skills, go to workshops and seminars, hire a relationship coach. Keep learning and becoming confident in your skills. Don't give up!

5. Putting the past in the past

What it means

There is no surer way to spoil an otherwise great life than with resentments and anger about what happened in the past. Most people know they need to let go of the past and yet most believe that they cannot. There is a real set of skills that few of us know exists, and even fewer actually have, that can guarantee you will let go of all past hurts and resentments. Bet that would improve your happiness level and the quality of your life!

Why it matters

Many singles hold on to what happened in the past as a way to prevent the same thing happening in the future. Others hold on because they don't know how to let go. Either way, the past drains your vital life energy.

What you can do

Learn how to let go of your past. Put yourself in completion school. Read books, go to workshops and seminars, hire a therapist or a coach. Keep learning new ways to let go of the past, applying them, and gaining more and more freedom.

6. Passion/Purpose/Vision/Action

What it means

Be powered by passion about your life. Have a purpose for waking up in the morning. Have a vision of your place in the world and what you want to contribute to others. Take action about all of these. Single or with a partner, your life's purpose is your own, and will energize you when pursued. You will be happiest following your life purpose.

Why it matters

Many singles are waiting for a relationship to infuse their life with passion and purpose, not realizing that having a loving partner is not a substitute for a meaningful life.

What you can do

Figure out what makes time stop for you, what lights you up to no end, what always fuels you with energy. What ever that activity is, it is a part of your life purpose. Now get into action on that wonderful thing, and let it lift you up and transform you.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

This article was originally published by Coach Rinatta Paries in The Relationship Coach Newsletter, a weekly e-zine for people who want fulfilling relationships. For singles, the newsletter will help you attract your Mr. or Ms. Right. If you're in a relation- ship, learn to create much more closeness and intimacy with your mate. To subscribe, go to http://www.WhatItTakes.com

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